There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
