We won't sleep together?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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