i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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