did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
