she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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