Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize