please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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