i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
