just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
