I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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