If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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