Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
