its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
