dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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