How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
