Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
