when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize