We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
