hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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