Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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