i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
