Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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