i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
