would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
