How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I want a musical about memes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
