i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
