Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
