I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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