we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
