I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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