pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
no, he came in my armpit
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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