I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Actions speak louder than pants.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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