If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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