Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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