she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
