Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
