ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
