please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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