thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
