i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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