So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
