i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
