Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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