GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
