i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
