Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
