I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
