i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
