everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
