If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So here I am, sexting at work.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
