I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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