Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
