I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
