I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
