He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
