If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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