My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
