new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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