She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
