nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
