First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
