You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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