ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
