Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
