I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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