Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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