dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need a beard to bite.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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