last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
