I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
