My room smells like vodka and shame
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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