I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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