I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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