dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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