Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
