Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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