Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize