I wish I could punch you in the face.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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