my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
