If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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