I just made out with a guy for $7.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
