Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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