saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
