why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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