literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
