Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
