I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
