Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
