she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
