I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Screwed.edu
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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